


The Equation for Adventure

by uhuraprime



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, UP au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-01
Updated: 2012-12-01
Packaged: 2017-11-19 23:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uhuraprime/pseuds/uhuraprime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their whole lives Steve and Tony dreamed of adventure, but that didn't stop Tony from dying before they could have one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Equation for Adventure

They met when they were eight.

Tony saved Steve's life. Well, probably not _his life_ , but the guy had enough influence to get the older boys to stop beating on Steve, and as far as the blonde was concerned it meant the same thing.

And when Steve couldn't make enough ends meet to repay Tony in dough, he gave him the gift of friendship instead.

\---

When they were fourteen, Tony taught Steve how to dance. Steve had been watching or a solid hour as Tony wooed dame after dame, whispering in their ears and touching their hair. He'd cut in on almost every couple, and then up and stolen the gals' hearts. Steve could see why most of the guys at their school called Tony a drugstore cowboy.

They'd locked eyes, just for a second, and Tony had gotten this awful pained look on his face like he was about to cry. Steve just turned away and ignored it -- he was probably acting -- and then suddenly a pair of hands were sliding into his, and he was pulled onto the floor.

"Tony, I -- _I can't_ ," Steve stuttered, face scarlett and legs shaking.

"Nonsense," Tony had replied, rubbing his thumbs across the back of Steve's hands and offering a smile. "You'll do just spiffy."

And then Steve decided dancing wasn't so bad after all.

\---

The day Steve graduated was the day he enlisted. Ever since he'd had his growthspurt he'd dreamed of that day, hardly even taking a breath to stop talking about it. It'd driven Tony bonkers, and if he didn't know better Steve would think it was because the brunette was worried.

Tony couldn't go to war. He'd had heart problems since he was a boy, but Steve didn't think he was any less of a man because of it. Who would there be to flirt with all the dames, if Tony was away? 

Tony got this strangled look on his face, like he was going to throw up, and Steve gave him a slap on the back. "Hey buddy, don't be sad," he'd said, and his voice had cracked, just a little. "The sooner I leave, the sooner I can get back, right? Then we can go to Paradise Falls, just like we've always dreamed."

Tony had laughed. But then those laughs turned into sobs, and he flung himself into Steve's arms. In the ten years they'd been best friends, Steve had never seen Tony cry.

It wasn't until the ship set sail that Steve wondered, worried, if he'd ever see it again.

\---

The first time they kissed was the day Steve came back from the war, and then it hadn't been just kissing either. It had been quick and needy, awkward considering Steve had never really been with someone before (save Bucky, but they never went this far and there hadn't been any real feelings involved). Still, they'd both cried, and once they were done Tony had just kissed Steve's leg again and again, as if his lips actually made a difference with the pain.

And maybe they did. Maybe Tony did.

\---

Steve limped up the aisle in the neatly-pressed tux Tony had _insisted_ he wear. Tony had also insisted he bring his cane, but Steve didn't need a constant reminder of his injury. Especially not on his wedding day. "You look handsome, Stark," he'd greeted his best friend, tentatively reaching up to stroke the other man's cheek.

"Eh. You'll do," Tony joked, giving Steve a ridiculously sassy one-over.

"You bet I will," Steve teased, and then the priest cleared his throat and the ceremony began.

_It was all rather boring, eloping,_ they'd tell Steve's parents later. _Really not as fun as everyone lets on._ And, well, they weren't lying. Eloping wasn't very fun, which is why they got shit-faced drunk afterwards, and ended up committing a felony that neither of them could remember committing. It was one of the rare times Steve was glad for Tony's influence, because all they got off with was a slap on the wrist. "I'm too pretty for jail," Tony had said.

"And I'm not?"

"Do you want me to lie, or...?"

Steve had swatted at his boyf -- _husband's_ arm playfully, and Tony had swatted him right back. It turned into a wrestling match, which turned into a kissing match, and then after a few more bottles of giggle juice Steve actually let Tony put a small sum of his fortune into their _Paradise Falls_ jar, because he'd wanted "to have an adventure before we're too old and wrinkly to even enjoy it."

\---

Steve knew about cancer, but he'd always thought it was something that only happened elderly people and dames with breasts. Certainly not Tony, who'd already had his share of life-threatening situations. Certainly not someone he knew. Someone he loved.

First it was just a handicap. The nausea, the weakness. It was something they could live with, work with. Steve didn't mind holding Tony's hair every once in a while. Then Tony quit his job, and _Tony_ didn't mind holding _Steve_ every once in a while either. He would kiss away the tears, put on a strong face, and say, "Don't cry, Rogers. I would _die_ for you."

It wasn't funny, really, but Steve always laughed. It was easier than crying.

\---

Tony died on a Tuesday. It was almost a relief, after months and months of suffering, on both his and Steve's parts. The pain was over. Well, Tony's was.

That night Clint took Steve out and he drank until he forgot why he was drinking. Or, at least, until Steve could pretend he forgot. Pretend he hadn't lost Tony. Pretend he wasn't a widower. Pretend a part of him hadn't died, too, when Tony did.

Steve vaguely remembered crying into Clint's shirt as they sat in the back of the cab. He remembered being tucked into bed, and, maybe it was a dream, but he remembered screaming "WHY HIM? WHY NOT ME?" in the other man's face, and Clint just letting him.

Steve had lost men, in the war. Lots of men. _Bucky._ And as much as he loved those men, as much as it _hurt_ when they died, it was nothing compared to losing Tony. Because losing someone else was one thing, but losing yourself was another. Tony had been a part of Steve since they were eight years old. How can you continue to live when the better half of you has died?

**Author's Note:**

>  _"Up AU: Steve meets Tony in the 30s when they both want to be adventurers and eventually get married (assuming gays are more accepted in this au) and they grow old together and tony dies before Steve can take them to paradise falls but he meets the local boyscout peter and they end up going on the adventure he promised tony they'd go on so long ago."_  
>  Thanks to whoever (anonymously) sent this prompt in, to my tumblr! I really love it and had fun (sort of) writing this (aside from the whole death thing)!  
> Next comes the whole UP movie, which originally I was going to write but I felt like I was just retelling the story, so you can imagine what comes next if you've seen te movie.


End file.
